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kirikoneko in claymore_fic

submit to me

Since I've made a lot of new fanfictions lately, or updated some. And this place needs some more claymore fics.

Title: Submit to Me
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 2,519
Rating:
Mature
Warnings: Violence/Gore, Language, Sexual Themes, Ideologically Sensitive
Series: Claymore
Summary: Riful is having a terribly off day with Dauf's discouraging behavior, and then the most annoying claymore has to show up. A great way to make things worse, but it brings her new ideas to make them awaken. (Riful & Galatea)

( fanfiction.net ) or ( deviantArt )

If going to dA there are two parts to the story, so you must search into the gallery for the second part.



Comments

I'm leaving a comment here because this where I first read Submit to Me.

I'm not very sure if these 2 chapters are the final ones in this installment. But I'll take them as if they are. I'm a bit divided over your story: on 1 hand, I think it's really something revolutionary, as Sheik927 has commented, but I have some objections to your content.

Let me elaborate:

1) It's always enjoyable when someone writes on a hardly seen pairing. Galatea/ Riful, Miria/Flora are some of the really rare ones. And I admire your creativity in undertaking such a pairing. But to base my analysis on a pairing alone is not a justified critique.

2) What is obvious is the language & detail. Very few writers have gone onto explore the dark/ twisted side of Riful. I think you've given an emotional face to a character more often described as physical. And you continue to keep Riful's subterranean displeasure throughout both chapters, mixed with very graphic imagery (of her bodily self). This intermixing of emotion & physical self is 1 of the most realistic portraits of Riful I've seen so far.

3) The opposite is true for Galatea. There's a subtle emphasis on her physical attributes, which I think makes for good reading. More importantly, you're playing in & out with her confidence. Which adds to the suspense.

4) My criticism might probably be misdirected & I'm unsure whether to put it at the story itself or the crack pairing. Partly because the plot is not very strong. In Death is Taking the Road to Awe & Must Get Out, there's some causality & the rationale behind the pairing is obvious. But here it looks as if you've crafted a fic solely for a sordid S&M scene with no motive on Galatea's side & a certain lack of character depth for Riful (why begin with Dauf's dismissal? why send Dauf away when he could be part of the threesome, for example?). It seems as if you took something from the Claymore kink meme, extended it. But in extending it, may have focused too intensely on the pairing.

I really think that your stories are underrated & don't get enough reviews. And I can see your niche in short, intense, highly sexualized scenes. But truth be told, I would like to see you write something "normal". Something which gives privilege & respects both the act & the actors.



May 2010

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